For about three months I fell off the internet, I had lost my sense of direction and truly, I didn't want to find it.
However, I pushed myself to complete artwork, even though it wasn't enough as one a day, It was still something.
This is what I did:
1. I started to explore the possibilities of self portraits, apart from being quite new at it, I found it quite freeing. As someone who used to truly hate how I looked, it felt so great to finally have the confidence to paint myself. This piece is called 'Fear tastes tasty', during this time I could only feed on my own fear and the fellow fear from others that swamped the world during summer.
Being confined to a single house for 6 months straight can start to get to you after a while. This piece sums up my emotions of the time, I am swimming in a sea of mud, loneliness swallowing me up while I feed on the only thing That isn't brown... this happens to be myself. (Oil painting on canvas)
2. I started to explore different medium, embroidery being one of them. This experiment was supposed to explore the many example of chaos that were currently plaguing not only MY mind, but the world. This piece is untitled for know, but It may have something to do with 2020 chaos, but I'll decide that later. The image shows three different versions of myself, one tired, one stuck in thought and the third chilling in the chaos. The water represents life, the hornet representing the murder hornet scare and the toilet paper representing COVID-19. The alien spaceship was a reference to when the pentagon tweeted an alien spaceship sighting and no-one batted an eye as we are so used to it. I wear a mask and sunglasses acting like everything will be fine, but the truth is still clearly stated on the tv. Even though I hate it about myself...I can't stop thinking about my self-image... even in a pandemic. However, even though this piece conveys my inner chaos, the process of making it was one of my fondest memories of quarantine. Sitting for hours embroidering with a cup of tea became my peace, something I could happily do forever.
3. This is my favorite of all the pieces I completed over summer. The brown ocean is back, blocking any sort of happiness from the scene which represents the inside of my mind. What my form is doing in the image was the only think I could really do during this time, try to smile. It isn't unknown that toilet paper was popular when the lockdown commenced, here I am sexualizing it the way the world did back then. I am exploiting it just like a fancy perfume or expensive lingerie, making fun of how we all craved and fought for it back in march. Things like my features on my face aren't important for this piece, I want the audience to focus on the focal point. Even though the form isn't perfectly in the middle of the canvas, that's the point, there's nothing perfect about this situation, it is twisted. The rough texture of the paint with a shaky palette knife portrays this point further (oil paint on canvas).
4. This piece is still a work in process, I aim to add another object craved my the public to the background. For example soup, or hand sanitizer, something that will make the image pop. The image is headache inducing enough as it is, but I don't want to stop there, this is what it looks like inside my mind. Yet, even though I'm in this blinding state, I can only focus on myself, myself and my flaws... and I find that despicable.
There is more to come, but I will stop here for now...
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