This piece was a quick sketch created at the beginning of September, I was trying to come up with a theme for this year. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I knew I wanted to become more personal in my art.
At first glance it doesn't look like much, but there is so much behind this little moment of my life.
This watercolor painting was inspired by a memory I have from back in 2018, one of the worst years of my life... but only just.
In the image you can see a female form, or more specifically, my form. Here I sit in the dark in my swimsuit and shorts. During this day, my friends and I had a party at the beach, got very drunk and ended up all making out with each other.
That night when everyone was leaving, my old crush turned to me telling me "You were the only reason I turned up for class everyday". Those were the kindest words I had ever heard, so I did what I felt... I ended up making out with him till 7am on the beach till my mum could pick me up near ASDA.
He held my hand as we waked, half hungover, from the shore to the shops, It was one of my best days. Yet, there is a curse to it, a bad feeling that plagues it... you see, only about 2 months previous had I just had plastic surgery.
Not the plastic surgery where you fill in your lips or get a huge ass... No, this was necessary, suggested by a doctor and performed at great Orman street hospital.
I told no-one, none of my friends knew, so turning up to an event looking completely different, there was some tension.
And that is why I attacked my crush with my lips for 7 hours straight... because finally, I was beautiful.
And that's why it is a cursed memory, because it wouldn't exist if I didn't have surgery... It wouldn't have happened if i looked the same... and that just kills me.
But no-one would know that from this one small image... not until I told them. Perhaps they would get it from the perspective, from the angle of looking down onto my breasts. They could infer it was from a lover, and perhaps from the darkness surrounding me, they could decipher that I was outside.
Maybe people could come up with their own stories, or maybe this image is just too simple for that.
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